It’s been several WEEKS since my last update.
Well, Eldest heads back to college Wednesday morning. We leave at 5am. Oy. Luckily, it’s within 3.5-4 hrs of our home in New Jersey. She (we) have been packing for what seems like days on end. She’s going back with a ton of food – including a few baggies of frozen homemade Mama meals. I hope she has a chill roommate. At least she only has one roommate this year. Last year, it was a triple room situation and it was TIGHT in there.
So, Youngest has been slacking a bit on her summer reading. I feel like I am all over her ass, nagging her to get her assignments completed and out of the way. I am so proud of all she’s done… she is taking on some extra classes this year. I hope she isn’t overloaded.
I worry … Lordy, all I seem to DO is worry. And nag… and fuss… Ugh! I’ve got to change. Maybe lower some expectations that I have heaped up on myself.
I need to read this every day. I hope I do become the Mom I want them to remember.
My stress levels are through the roof.
One cause to it.
I adore them all but they are driving me to drink. I don’t know how I can even begin to move forward sometimes. I make progress and then there’s a fight.. a real knock-down, drag out verbal disaster that happens. Eldest gets confrontational, Husband get aggressive, Youngest bails out, and I am the Mediator. I try to calm everyone and get the others to actually listen to eat other before jumping to conclusions.
Lately, not so successful at all. Eldest is heading back to college in about five weeks. I don’t want to her to leave with things being so tense. But, I am so sad that I actually believe that these issues will never be fixed… there will be a rift in our family dynamic that just won’t be resolved.
My parents have both passed away. The majority of my inlaws are in Florida, and my brother and I don’t really chat much at all. I honestly believe that if we weren’t related, he wouldn’t even like me. ::sigh::
So, all I have is my little collective right here. And, I think it’s broken. Very broken. I don’t know what my next step should be…
I just feel very helpless.